God, I love Lindsay Lohan.  Paris Hilton can’t make Lindsay’s 21st birthday party - damn that pesky prison sentence! - so Firecrotch has decided to hire NINE Paris Hilton lookalikes to take her friend’s place.  

Hey Lindsay, why bother with inviting friends at all?  The way you’re behaving you’re not going to have any mates left anyway so just invite a bunch of people who look a bit like them - when you’re wasted you’ll be able to kid yourself that people still like you. 

 A Paris Hilton lookalike - she might be at Lindsay Lohan’s birthday party.

A Lindsay Lohan lookalike - she might not be at the party.

Christina Aguilera was seen checking into a maternity centre with husband Jordan Bratman which leads to the rumour of her being pregnant…I don’t know the reason for the look of cold blooded wrath on her face, but it could be the mood swings or the fact that her kid might look like a potato because his dad is so incredibly scrumptous to look at.

With a potato for a head, and Jordan’s buck teeth, she’s got herself a kid that can also be a halloween costume!

But we love you Christina…just don’t let your kid watch you fighting girls with your mini skirt and thrashing around in water.

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Is Akon the nastiest man in music?  On Sunday he was filmed throwing a 15 year old boy off stage and into the crowd at a gig in New York .  The boy landed on a member of the audience who suffered an immediate headache and blurry vision and was later diagnosed with concussion.  Unbelievably, Akon is protesting that he did nothing wrong, although The Poughkeepsie Journal is reporting that Akon’s lawyers have contacted the police who are investigating the incident and offered full co-operation.  

In April he was criticised for simulating sex on stage with a 14 year old girl.  The incident, which was filmed by his crew and later uploaded to the internet, led to Verizon Wireless withdrawing sponsorship from the Gwen Stefani tour, which Akon was due to support, because of massive public critisism.

The Senegalese American musician, whose real name is Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam is a believer in polygamy and reportedly has three wives.  He also owns a diamond mine in South Africa and has denied the existence of conflict diamonds - diamonds mined in war torn areas and the profits from which are used to prolong conflict - saying ”I don’t even believe in conflict diamonds.  That’s just a movie. Think about it. Ain’t nobody thought about nothing about no conflict diamonds until the movie came out.”

What a horrible man. 

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Everyone’s favorite hotel heiress was ordered back to jail to serve out her 45-day sentence for violating her parole in a reckless driving case.

 According to the Associated Press, “ Paris Hilton was taken from a courtroom screaming and crying Friday seconds after a judge ordered her returned to jail to serve out her entire 45-day sentence.”Paris was released early Thursday by the Sheriff’s office and equipped with an electronic monitoring device. She was to serve out the balance of her 45 day sentence in the comfort of her 4 bedroom home.”It’s not right”….”Mom” shouted the devastated Hilton after the Judge ordered her return to the slammer, reported the Associated Press.

So it looks like poor Paris is going to have to experience what the REST of us have had the misfortune to learn over the years:

1. You’re not special…there are consequences for your actions

2. Life’s not fair, get over it…

3. You CANNOT be a reckless idiot and expect to have mommy save your SORRY and irresponsible a$$…

These are wonderful life’s lessons for someone who apparently never learned it when she was 13yrs old. Grow up!

(And if you think I’m being too hard on her, ask someone who has suffered a loss as a result of a drunk driver. Thank God she didn’t hurt someone or herself)

P.S. Nice mug shot darlin’!

How we love the ever famous hypocrite Avril Lavigne.First, she states Britney Spears is the reason for her not being very popular off late and when the paparazzi tries to get her blonde(no pun intended) mass of hair on camera at The Roosevelt Hotel, she gives them the finger.Then again, when has Avril Lavigne been known to be a well-mannered prim and propah little angel?

First she was on a paparazzi spitting spree, now its obscene gestures, whats next? Turning goth and scaring them with voodoo dolls?

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An important question is being asked about the Hollywood glitterati…   

Are celebs morphing into one generic person?

Think not?  Ladies and gentlemen, I give you these examples…

Jessica Biel?

Christy Turlington?

Hilary Duff?

Mandy Moore?

Ashlee Simpson?

Lindsay Lohan?

What is going on? We need to know…

Here is a quick question.Your a celebrity, you have been sentenced to jail because you drive like a 3 year old, what would your condition be?
A normal person would be scared.But Paris Hilton is not normal.Sure, we saw her carrying The Holy Scripture everywhere she went to fool everyone.Like we’re that stupid.
But lately shes been a bit too optimistic for a self-obsessed person that sleeps in her self-obsessed room full of her self-obssessed junk.
Why?Because shes Paris Hilton.Going to jail doesn’t stop her from hooking up with new guys and going to work.
Seeing Paris with a new boy toy and a new script is just disturbingly optimistic.
The first time I went to jail, I was in chains being stopped on every state border.I didn’t get to frolick with my boyfriends or read scripts.

*sigh*

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In honor of this month’s Sun Sign (Gemini May 22-June 21), I feel it is appropriate to give a shout out to all the sexy and hot celebrities that celebrate their birthdays under this zodiac.

Today we highlight Lenny Kravitz. He’s plain old caramel goodness. Lenny was born May 26, 1964 in New York. Today he celebrates his 43rd birthday! (Forty is starting to look better and better these days)

Happy Birthday Lenny…We love ya!

Looks like Lindsay Lohan has fell “off the wagon” [AGAIN] and landed in a tree!

According to Beverly Hills Police, Lindsay Lohan was involved in a single vehicle accident while driving under the “influence”, on Saturday May 26. According to TMZ, “Lohan and two other adults were in her 2005 Mercedes SL-65 convertible when she lost control and crashed into a curb and trees in Beverly Hills around 5:30 AM. Police report that they found a “usable amount of cocaine…but not on her person”[I assume they found it in the car]. Apparently Lohan suffered minor injuries to her chest area.

For the first time in a long time I am ALMOST speechless. What a friggin’ dummy! I totally get that she’s young, and wants to party and live the “good life”, but c’mon. What is it about some of these spoiled rich brats in Hollywood that make them think its okay to get their OVER-RATED drunk and coked out asses behind a wheel and drive?

Hey they can ruin their lives all they choose, but when you operate a deadly weapon (at top speed), 5:30 in the morning–it just SCREAMS SELFISH IDIOCY and BLANTANT CARELESSNESS.  When one examines the alarming rate that people are killed in drunk driving accidents, it makes me shiver to think that this chick is cruisin’ the streets…HIGH as a kite, at 5:30am. You would think that after a night of chauffeured club-hopping and boozing the 20 year old “actress” (and I use the term “actress” loosely) would have decided to settle into a comfy warm bath and cotton pj’s.You might think that, but you would be wrong. I guess she was off to get some more blow, or a friggin cheeseburger from McDonald’s, who knows?

Do us all a favor Lindsay stay off the streets and save YOUR life and OURS…So much for rehab, right Lin?

Unbelievable!

http://x17online.com/celebrities/lindsay_lohan/narcotics_found_in_lindsays_car.php

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Amy Winehouse - Camden’s Marge Simpson on acid - married her fiancee, Blake Fielder Civil in a secret ceremony in Miami on Friday.  The couple, who got engaged on April 23, already have an uncertain future as Fielder Civil faces G.B.H. charges and a possible prison sentence.  The music video runner is accused of assaulting an East End pub landlord.

According to reports, Fielder Civil refused to sign a pre-nuptial agreement, which means that he would have access to the award-winning singer’s fortune should the marriage fail.  Friends and family are said to be worried by Fielder Civil singing, ‘They tried to make me sign a pre-nup.  I said no, no, no’.

Worried by a gold digging jail bird?  I’d be terrified.  Just go, go, go whilst you still can, Amy…