A supermodel! In the latest GQ, Adriana Lima outlines what she looks for in a man. Take notes!

“I like jealous men. Everything has a limit, of course, but once in a while you have to stand up and say, ‘I love this person.’”

“It’s never OK to defend my honor by beating someone up. You have to control yourself, even if the other person is drunk and crazy. Just say, ‘Let’s go home. Let’s leave.’ You don’t have to say a thing to him. I don’t like fights. I don’t like aggressive people.”

“A man needs to be polite, not just to me but to everyone. I watch that. How does he treat the waiter? How does he treat the coat-check girl? How does he treat the driver? Don’t give orders to these people. You don’t own everything around you. Treat people with respect.”

“Show me you can take care of me. Say you’re taking me to dinner: I expect you to pick me up and open the car door for me. Hold the restaurant door while I enter and pull out the chair for me when I sit down. Stand up when I go to the restroom and again when I return. I love old-fashioned manners, as long as it’s not forced. I can tell when it’s natural or when someone is just trying to impress me.”

“When I’m sick, I want a lot of caresses. Make sure I eat. If you don’t know how to cook, call and get food delivered. Go to the pharmacy and get the medication I need. Just take care of me until I get better. That’s it. Simple. If you don’t know what to do, ask me. Just say, ‘What do you need?’ I will tell you. Whatever I tell you, do. That’s it.”

Adriana Lima @ GQ April 2008

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This man is so lucky. How did he get this job? Did he answer a newspaper want ad?
“Grimy little dude needed to paint the world’s hottest woman. $8.50/hr. Please inquire within”

This is nothing out of the ordinary. Adriana Lima is on the beach - again, wearing a tiny bikini - again. I could prattle on about how hot she looks, how great her body is or how much I’d prefer to see her completely naked, splashing about in my backyard in a kiddy pool full of olive oil (extra virgin of course), but I won’t. Instead, I’ll just say that if I were on the beach on that particular day and I caught a glimpse of Adriana bending over like she is here, I’d be like a bull charging a matador. The last thing I’d see before going to heaven would be the flash of her red bikini bottoms. Toro!

Like the rest of you, when I think of Adriana Lima it usually brings to mind a sexy bikini photo shoot, or lingerie spread in a Victoria’s Secret catalogue. So you can imagine my disappointment when I saw these latest pictures of her attending the Dream Girls premiere wearing a head to toe dress. I’ve seen Amish schoolteachers show more skin at church than Adriana did for this event! Don’t get me wrong though, she still looks amazing. With a face like that, it’s pretty hard not to. You could put her head on the body of a Cabbage Patch Kid doll, and I’d still ask for her number.

Adriana Lima Pictures
Adriana Lima Picture Gallery

In case any of you are new to the site, let me just say that from time to time I’ve been known to pick on celebs that put on some weight. So you can imagine my surprise when I saw these new pictures of a lingerie clad Adriana Lima. From the looks of it, she’s sporting a few extra pounds, and to be honest with you, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her look better! It’s actually a nice change to see a model at the top of her game who doesn’t feel the need to be stick thin. Hopefully more models will try and emulate Adriana because we don’t need to see another runway skeleton die from anorexia, like we did this week. It’s very sad. By the way, don’t think I’m getting soft on all of you. As soon as the latest batch of bloated Mariah Carey pics come out, I’ll be the first to critique them.

Don’t you hate people that can’t keep their big fat mouths shut? So do I, unless that person happens to be Adriana Lima. Am I the only one that notices that she constantly has her mouth open in pictures? And not “lips slightly parted” open either. I’m talking wide mouthed, tongue out, and raunchy! I love it. Don’t believe me? Well how do you explain this, this, this and this? What is she trying to tell us with all these suggestive oral displays? Is she just really proud of that supermodel tongue of hers, or could she be hinting that she’s only a virgin from the neck down? Let’s ponder that question while checking out these new pics of her backstage at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.

It looks like Adriana Lima and her supermodel friends are out shilling lingerie just in time for this year’s Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show on December 5th. I admit, I’ve never watched the broadcast but I have seen plenty of the past events’ pictures. To be honest, that’s enough for me. I mean, how many times can I watch models walk up and down a catwalk before getting bored. Yes, you heard me. Bored. A guy like me needs — no, demands more! Not much more, but just enough to keep my attention in a world where celebrity sex tapes are everywhere and internet porn is free. Maybe Adriana Lima can use that crazy tongue of hers and use it to do something really naughty to Gisele Bundchen. Oh yeah, that would certainly keep me “up” for the full hour!

*Last years Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

Sometimes I really hate seeing pictures of Adriana Lima. Now before you all start thinking I’m some kind of sexual deviant, eunuch or imbecile, allow me to explain. Looking at Adriana is like looking at a top of the line Ferrari. Both are absolutely gorgeous, but you’ll never be able to afford either. In the end, you’re reminded that women like that don’t date guys like you and me! I guess that would be be better for her anyway. If we did date, that prized ass of hers would be so covered in bite marks, that she’d never get a paying gig again.

*Check out more Adriana Lima pictures here.

For a virgin, Adriana Lima has the most sexual facial expressions I have ever seen. Imagine what she’d look like if in fact she was having sex. Jesus! I can’t stand up now. Unfortunately, there’s a downside to this post. Being a professional celebrity inspector, I noticed a flaw on Adriana. Yes, Adriana is not perfect. She’s human. Like Tyra Banks but not as bad, she too has a hint of a mustache. Not a complete deal breaker for me but kind of ruins the moment a bit.